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Kathy Rexrode (not pictured) introduces panelists (from left) Andrea and Charlie Schwartz, Rhonda Bentley-Lewis, Eldrin Lewis, Anne-Marie Chang and Orfeu Buxton.
During a lighthearted lunch panel on May 9, six BWHers and spouses shared their collective wisdom and refreshing takes on how to manage schedules, raise children, succeed at work and balance social and family lives when both spouses work full-time.
Part of its "Faculty Forward Series," the Center for Faculty Development & Diversity (CFDD) hosted the discussion, which was moderated by Kathy Rexrode, MD, MPH, faculty director of the CFDD's Office for Women's Careers. The panelist couples were BWH's Anne-Marie Chang, PhD, and Orfeu Buxton, PhD; Eldrin Lewis, MD, MPH, and Rhonda Bentley-Lewis, MD, MBA, MMSc, of MGH; and Andrea Wershof Schwartz, MD, MPH, and Rabbi Charlie Schwartz, of Brandeis University.
No question was off-limits during the 90-minute discussion. Panelists talked openly about everything from sharing Google and Outlook calendars to keep up-to-date on each others' commitments and arranging child care options at different points of parenthood, to creating family rituals at home to spend more time with their children. In their own ways, they also each noted the importance of communication, humor and flexibility.
Below are some specific tips they shared:
If you work with patients, set up your schedule so that patient care and child care don't conflict. On days when she's seeing patients, Schwartz says her husband is responsible for dropping off and picking up their kids from day care.
Having their two kids' school and after-school activities, such as kung fu and soccer, close to their home has proven to be extremely helpful for Chang and Buxton.
Bentley-Lewis and Lewis shared the importance of teaching kids to be organized and considerate of parents' commitments. Their young teen daughter has learned to plan activities and play-dates a few days in advance instead of springing them on her parents.
Time management is about determining priorities, says Buxton. His family skips social media and limits TV and video games to have more time with each other.
When one spouse has a more consistently busy work schedule than the other, the couple should talk about what events they have outside of work in the upcoming week. When the busier person is not "on call" with work obligations, he or she should be thinking about providing "relief" for the other person, who may be carrying the load in terms of child care or other responsibilities that week, says Lewis.
Think about what messages you're sending to your kids in terms of who does what, says Chang. It's about sharing responsibilities and involving kids in processes, from making breakfast to getting ready in the morning.
Schwartz says she makes a conscious effort to show her children she is present when she comes home from work. She often quickly changes out of her work clothes to convey this, and she and her husband put on music and put their phones away at night so they are not distracted.
Be flexible and comfortable with change and with changing options often, says Buxton. Try to have a sense of humor and know that kids are resilient, added Rabbi Schwartz.
To learn more about the CFDD's programs and resources, visit brighamandwomens.org/medical_professionals/career/cfdd.